Dinlas

Tell me about your childhood.

Of all the requests that have been made of me, this is one of just a few things that causes a stoic look to overtake my face. A blank stare that is blind to whatever is immediately around me, because my vision becomes consumed with memories from days gone by.

It would not be fair to say that all of those images are bad.

There were plenty of happy days.

But for the sake of the story, today I want to show you something.

There was a presence in my life when I was younger. One that stole and depleted hopes and dreams. Left my mind and heart exposed and naked huddled in the corner.

One that showed me rejection and acceptance.

Sounds poetic. A play on words that causes some to say, ‘that’s deep.’

Truth is, it is deep. I feel it deep.

The rejection that this presence bestowed on me was hate and jealousy. I never really fully understood what I did to deserve to feel this coming at me. I was so young. No choice I could have made justified being taught the weighty lessons of hate and jealousy.

How to be accepted? Now this is the tricky part.

The only way to gain acceptance in this presence is by accepting that which has destroyed you.

To destroy the monsters inside your head, you must become the monster.

So I learned to find strength in hate and jealousy. It gave me power over those in my life. It kept me safe.

Gone are the days of being a little boy. He was weak anyways.

I couldn’t save him from the pain.

Now, he has become me. Destroyed. Rejected. Bound in the chains of Hate and Jealousy.

Many years have passed, but I’ve never grown past being sullen.

This is what Dinlas has done to me.